Thursday Thirteen #7

I recently stumbled across a site called Ruined Music and it got me thinking about all those song out there forever tied to the people in our lives. In the case of this site, obviously, the influence was not for the better.

You know what I am talking about. You're in your car minding your own business and BAM! The DJ lobs a musical bomb in your car that brings forth memories of people, places, and things that get under your skin. Your upper lip lifts into an Elvis like sneer of distaste as the memories roll forth.

The person is usually, though not always, an Ex of some sort. Occasionally it can be an unknown, but highly memorable individual; people whose path's cross yours briefly; places you have been; or in my case, one vertically challenged celebrity Scientologist.

In honor of this strange phenomenom I bring you:

13 songs Forever Tainted and Those Who Shall Be Held Responsible.

1. I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith - The Ex Boyfriend Variety - I have hardcore memories on this song and more than 1 private joke. Cheesy Song, yes, but dammit I liked it! Grr.

2. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star - EXBFV - More like fade into oblivion.
*Update* It's 5:02pm, Do you know what your DJ is playing? Cause mine is playing this. Grr.

3. Why Georgia - John Mayer - EXBFV - This is a no brainer. It is not strictly ruined as I still listen to it, but it can make me highly bitter and pissy given that the dipshit lives in Georgia. I love Georgia. He just irks me.

4. Melt With You - Modern English - The Burger King Corporation - You bastards took one of the golden aural memories of my teenage years and turned it into a burger commercial. Thanks.

5. Mr. Kite - The Beatles - Fat Lady At The Circus - When I was a wee young lass my mother took me to see Ringling Brothers circus. Everything was great except for a certain smell which just got worse and worse and worse. At first I thought it was the elephants. But then the awful truth dawned on me. It was the Super Sized woman in front of me. To this day I do not know if it was her own personal "parfume" or if she merely had the worlds worst gas. My apologies to the elephants.

6. Crazy In Love - Beyonce - Jo Jo from WB Superstar - Did anyone else catch this show? It was like Idol except they purposefully picked the worst singers and told them they were smokin hot. Jo Jo and his badonkadonk killed this song for me. I dare you to listen to it. I Double Dare you.

7. Barbie Girl - Aqua - Street Dude Named Zeus in Eugene Oregon - He wore the inside cardboard rolls from toilet paper in his hair to elevate his pony tail. And he was rumored to do unmentionable things with Barbie Dolls and his badonkadonk. Shudder

8. Suspicious Mind - Elvis Presley - "Elvis" the street performer at the Portland Saturday Market - Yet another questionable psycho that has done damage to a song I liked. Check out Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations on Monday January 15th. Anthony is in the Pacific NW for that show and I spied Elvis in the Promo. He is a see it to believe it street icon.

9. You Lost That Lovin Feeling - The Righteous Brothers - Tom Friggin Cruise - Oh how I loathe him. And I have loathed him since the 80's. Since Top Gun, in fact. Smirking, smarmy little wanker. Turn and Burn this *insert rude finger gesture* Tom.

10. Kokomo - The Beach Boys -I repeat, Tom Friggin Cruise - Maverick once again pooped all over a song I liked. I wanted him to slip and have an ass-i-dent with one of those cocktail bottles.

11. The Entire Wild At Heart Soundtrack - Various Artists - The Ex Husband Variety - Long ago in a galaxy far away, the ex was not a complete ass.

12. Dear 23 - The Entire Album - The Posies - EXHV - Yet another casualty.

13. Karma Chameleon - Culture Club - T, My High School Friend and Once and Former Flame - This was one of many songs he would get bombed and sing in a highly stylized way that mocked the original singer. He was more Boy than Boy George. He was more Jovi than Bon. His rendition of this song is permanently burned into my brain. The fact that he is also The Ex Husband Variety's cousin, and therefore my kidlet's cousin, is just bizarre to me. I pray that is not a familial trait.