Koo Koo Ka Joo Mrs. Robinson, Thursday Thirteen #3

Once upon a time there was a reasonably unhappy 28 year old who developed an all encompassing fixation on Titanic. Let's digress to the backstory on this, mmk? (Bear with me, it's a longish one!)

I am a HUGE Titanic freak. It started way back when I was around 7 or so and Lady Marjory from Upstairs Downstairs died on the Titanic. The story caught my imagination. I have been to Titanic Society exhibits, own pretty much all the books on it, and have seen A Night To Remember just about a gazillion times.

Being a Titanic factual snob, I was distressed to find out James "The Terminator" Cameron was making a movie about my ship! I actually refused to see it when it very first came out. I do believe it had been out for a month before I finally saw it. And I saw it alone, for reasons I frankly can't remember.

I was hooked. I mean, HOOKED. I saw that movie 22 times on my own in the theater.

Obviously something was missing in my life. Was it Romance, Love, Attention?

Oh no, it was nothing so innocent...

I came across several women on a Titanic Fan Site (which I won't link cause the owner was a dickhead and gets no free publicity from me) and aside from loving the movie, shedding tears at the death scene - yada yada yada - we all had one thing in common.

Leonardo DiCaprio and his bones. Specifically, we wanted to jump them.

Apparently, we got a wee bit vocal and descriptive about this desire. We ended up getting kicked off (!!!!) the forum for our "lewdness." Who knew so many would get so offended by a few harmless Hoover Vacuum remarks? (Fine it was a Hoover WetVac but really, that is just splitting hairs.)

I ended up creating a website for us Lewd Ladies. We had message boards, chat rooms, and our banner, a photoshoped picture of Leo and what may have been a horse member. We referred to this artifact as the Cucumelon. (Do you really want to ask why? I didn't think so.) Our battle cry was "Fellow Cradle Robbing Degenerates, Unite!"

So in honor of my FCRDU girls - Camy, Melvira, Lisa, Julie, Selenia- and all the rest of you, I present this weeks Thursday Thirteen.

Thirteen Cradles I'd Love To Rob.

1. The First, The Original, The DiCaprio (1974) If anything, Leo is getting better looking. Kinda like Brad Pitt. Less Pretty, More Hot.

2. The Personal Favorite, Stuart Townsend (1972) Where to begin on Stuart. He's gorgeous. He's Irish - Accent? Yes please! Cherry on top - he is a Sagittarius. I love Sag's.

3. Jake Gyllenhall (1980) Even if he was totally whacked out in Donnie Darko and totally NOT pitching for my team in Brokeback, he is way cute.

4. Heath Ledger (1979) Picture my 7 year old asking me to watch Knights Tale, over and over....such hard work being a mommy!

5. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (1977) You could ski off those cheekbones. Really you could.

6. Ewan McGregor (1971) Ewan and his naughty bits have come a long way since Velvet Goldmine. I can even forgive him that Star Wars debacle.

7. Paul Bettany (1971) Knights Tale, part deux. He was awful in Gangster # 1 and he was still hot. And Wimbledon? Service!

8. Cillian Murphy (1976) I like the Irish, what can I say?

9. Jude Law (1972) Gorgeous. Yes I know the whole dumpy nannygate thing was a bit taudry. But taudry can be fun ;)

10. Edward Furlong (1977) Detroit Rock City is NOT a great movie. Yet I own it...hrm. Edward has had some issues (That Crow movie?!?!?!)but according to my latest People mag he has cleaned up his act and is doing great. Which is good to hear. Edward you can look like the Bad Boy cutie without actually having to BE one!

11. John Mayer (1977) Oh my lord, do I lust after Young Mister Mayer. The fact that he can play the hell out of a guitar is bonus points.

12. Ami James (1972 Tattoo you, indeed. Talk about poster child for Bad Boys. Plus he is a great Tat artist. Pluses are always good.

13 Orlando Bloom (1977) But not Pirates Orlando. I want LOTR Orlando. WITH the ears. I have a thing for druidy types. Sue me :p

I am older than every guy on that list, although with some of them it's a close one. Stay tuned for next weeks TT when I list out who could rob MY cradle.

That's right, Johnny Depp. I am talkin to you!

**Update** Matthew McConaughey is younger than me! Fine, by like 10 months but hey, that is still cradlesque right? So bonus Man in Matthew. He can play naked bongos in my RV any day of the week.