I have just been swamped and have had a house guest, so I have been taking a wee break from the interwebs. Look for me to be back next week.
ETA - For your listening pleasure. New Green Day album is hands down a 5 star for me. It's better than American Idiot. Look for Kidlet and I to work up a song by song review in the next few weeks. Here's one of my favorites.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
TT - F My Life - An Internet Goldmine
Kidlet has introduced me to a veritable goldmine of Net entertainment. It's this wee site called F My Life. Folks write in and share their pain. We then get to laugh at their pain and vote if their life is indeed fucked or if they brought the pain on with their general doucheyness. It is made of win.
Matt, in your new pussified state of "niceness" you should skip it. Unless your balls have been returned to you :P
1. (A favorite of mine) Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
2. (Damn!)Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
3. (PWNED!)Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
4. (Banjos!!) Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
5. (Don't drop the soap!) Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
6. (UnSub!)Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML
7. (Yes but what would you do for a Klondike Bar?) Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a mars bar. I said that would be great and she proceeded to throw one at me, catching me off guard. The mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML
8. (Wonder if she got the two tit discount?) Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML
9. (Dude you are so not the favorite child) Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
10. (Think of the cash you saved on a lawyer) Today, 3 days before my wedding day, I found out that my fiance is sleeping with one of my bridesmaids. I just cancelled a $200,000 wedding. I would go into more detail, but I have to help my family (who flew in from Poland, California, and Massachusetts) book flights back home. FML
11. (OUCH!)Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
12. (Is it wrong that I am singing Pour Some Sugar On Me?)Today, I was reported to my principal because someone caught me shooting up at the cafeteria lunch table and as a result I have been suspended from school. I am a diabetic, I was giving myself insulin before I ate crappy school food. FML
13. (And they said your mama don't dance and your daddy don't rock and roll..) Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
Matt, in your new pussified state of "niceness" you should skip it. Unless your balls have been returned to you :P
1. (A favorite of mine) Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
2. (Damn!)Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
3. (PWNED!)Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
4. (Banjos!!) Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
5. (Don't drop the soap!) Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
6. (UnSub!)Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML
7. (Yes but what would you do for a Klondike Bar?) Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a mars bar. I said that would be great and she proceeded to throw one at me, catching me off guard. The mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML
8. (Wonder if she got the two tit discount?) Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML
9. (Dude you are so not the favorite child) Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
10. (Think of the cash you saved on a lawyer) Today, 3 days before my wedding day, I found out that my fiance is sleeping with one of my bridesmaids. I just cancelled a $200,000 wedding. I would go into more detail, but I have to help my family (who flew in from Poland, California, and Massachusetts) book flights back home. FML
11. (OUCH!)Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
12. (Is it wrong that I am singing Pour Some Sugar On Me?)Today, I was reported to my principal because someone caught me shooting up at the cafeteria lunch table and as a result I have been suspended from school. I am a diabetic, I was giving myself insulin before I ate crappy school food. FML
13. (And they said your mama don't dance and your daddy don't rock and roll..) Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
1. First list item starts here…
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!
Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I Never Made It As A Working Class Hero
But guess what I am gonna make?
Kidlet and I are going to see Green Day in Sacramento!!!!!!!
How is this possible? Well Mom (who kicks ass) is popping for the plane tickets and we are going to spend the weekend at my cousin Rocky's house. I get to see my cousins I have not seen in years. Like I think we were dressing my dog in my baby clothes the last time we saw each other.
We are gonna fly down on Saturday and spend the weekend with the family. Monday we will drive into Sacramento and pick up our tickets and check into a cheapie motel. Then we get in line for our General Admission floor ticket so we can storm the front of the stage and scream like rabid fan girls. Cause, like, we are rabid fan girls =)
To say that Kidlet and I are excited is putting it mildly. Green Day is her favorite band. I listed to Dookie while I was pregnant with her and she used to roll around and around to their music. She was a mosh pit baby even then.
Gonna rock out to this song and we are gonna ROCK OUT!
Kidlet and I are going to see Green Day in Sacramento!!!!!!!
How is this possible? Well Mom (who kicks ass) is popping for the plane tickets and we are going to spend the weekend at my cousin Rocky's house. I get to see my cousins I have not seen in years. Like I think we were dressing my dog in my baby clothes the last time we saw each other.
We are gonna fly down on Saturday and spend the weekend with the family. Monday we will drive into Sacramento and pick up our tickets and check into a cheapie motel. Then we get in line for our General Admission floor ticket so we can storm the front of the stage and scream like rabid fan girls. Cause, like, we are rabid fan girls =)
To say that Kidlet and I are excited is putting it mildly. Green Day is her favorite band. I listed to Dookie while I was pregnant with her and she used to roll around and around to their music. She was a mosh pit baby even then.
Gonna rock out to this song and we are gonna ROCK OUT!
Monday, May 18, 2009
I Get Company!
Other than my child like critter that is. My BFF is coming to stay with me for awhile while she sorts out some issues at home. I am thrilled to be able to return the favor for her.
Blog Fest NW was awesome!
ETA this cause it is just awesome.
Blog Fest NW was awesome!
ETA this cause it is just awesome.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
TT - Funny Porn Movie Names
Just cause I like to maintain my hardcore XXX rated blog ranking today I bring you 13 Porn titles based off of Hollywood movies. These make me giggle. A lot.
1. Blowing For Columbine
2. Throbbin Hood Prince of Beaves
3. Dial E For Enema
4. Dr Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Tensing and Love the Bum.
5. E-3 The Extra Testicle
6. Itty Bitty Gang Bang (midget porn!)
7. O'Snatch Where Art Thou?
8. Willy Wanker and the Fudgepacker Factory
9. Little Orphan Tranny
10. Big Trouble in Little Vagina
11. What's Eating Gilbert's Grapes?
12. Fisting Nemo
13. Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy
*Bonus movies just cause I love them:
Lord of the G Strings, Dildo Saggins the Throbbit
Edward Penishands
Dude Where's My Dildo?
Passions of the Crotch.
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
1. Blowing For Columbine
2. Throbbin Hood Prince of Beaves
3. Dial E For Enema
4. Dr Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Tensing and Love the Bum.
5. E-3 The Extra Testicle
6. Itty Bitty Gang Bang (midget porn!)
7. O'Snatch Where Art Thou?
8. Willy Wanker and the Fudgepacker Factory
9. Little Orphan Tranny
10. Big Trouble in Little Vagina
11. What's Eating Gilbert's Grapes?
12. Fisting Nemo
13. Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy
*Bonus movies just cause I love them:
Lord of the G Strings, Dildo Saggins the Throbbit
Edward Penishands
Dude Where's My Dildo?
Passions of the Crotch.
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!
Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Secret To A Happy Ending Is Knowing When To Roll The Credits
Gosh. It's gray outside. And rainy. In May. Where oh where could I be? Oregon is gorgeous do not get me wrong but a month of so more of nice weather a year would be all kinds of awesome.
In the homestretch on American Idol and I have spent way too much time on message boards. Sorry folks we all know pot does shit for me, I am left with reality tv as my vice. We have culture wars shaping up on Idol with the finale the producers so obviously want. Gay Boi versus Grieving Christian Widower. How gay. (That was for you, Matt)
I have come to the conclusion that while politicians suck ass, and pharmaceutical companies are right close behind them, the worlds biggest douchebags are in Television. Cause fear, hate and dissent makes them a butt load of money and they do their bestest to keep those dollars rolling in. And yet I watch the stupid show. I tell ya.
On to perkier subjects. Guess where I will be 6 weeks from today? In a plane to Hawaii! Passed out from a night in the airport I am sure, but still. Kauai is supposed to be far less touristy than Maui or Oahu. I am so looking forward to it. Cause I want to see what it would be like to just live there. Cause I am strongly hoping the parentals move there. HINT HINT, MOTHER.
Things I am most looking forward too? Puka Dogs!
And hanging out here...
before going home to this lovely place
And sunshine! Now I just have to bite the bullet and finish converting my songs to lower bit rates so I can fit more of them on my shuffle. Gawd, and finish ripping all my cds. It would take me a week of 8 hour days to do that and I have totally slacked off.
Little Drive By Truckers to send you on your way - World of Hurt. One of the best damn band that most folks have never heard of.
In the homestretch on American Idol and I have spent way too much time on message boards. Sorry folks we all know pot does shit for me, I am left with reality tv as my vice. We have culture wars shaping up on Idol with the finale the producers so obviously want. Gay Boi versus Grieving Christian Widower. How gay. (That was for you, Matt)
I have come to the conclusion that while politicians suck ass, and pharmaceutical companies are right close behind them, the worlds biggest douchebags are in Television. Cause fear, hate and dissent makes them a butt load of money and they do their bestest to keep those dollars rolling in. And yet I watch the stupid show. I tell ya.
On to perkier subjects. Guess where I will be 6 weeks from today? In a plane to Hawaii! Passed out from a night in the airport I am sure, but still. Kauai is supposed to be far less touristy than Maui or Oahu. I am so looking forward to it. Cause I want to see what it would be like to just live there. Cause I am strongly hoping the parentals move there. HINT HINT, MOTHER.
Things I am most looking forward too? Puka Dogs!
And hanging out here...
before going home to this lovely place
And sunshine! Now I just have to bite the bullet and finish converting my songs to lower bit rates so I can fit more of them on my shuffle. Gawd, and finish ripping all my cds. It would take me a week of 8 hour days to do that and I have totally slacked off.
Little Drive By Truckers to send you on your way - World of Hurt. One of the best damn band that most folks have never heard of.
Monday, May 11, 2009
I Once Was Lost But Never Was Found
Ola People! I actually have NO outside of work commitments this week. Which is good cause commitment was begining to sound like a possibility.
I am a bitter bitch today. My mom just made the most awesome ornamental herb garden complete with a water feature in her back yard and I wants it, my precious. I miss gardening. I can actually pretty much whatever I want around my townhouse but my hands are not happy with it.
Mother's Day was nice. We had awesome french toast bread pudding. Mom used cinnamon roll bread and white bread, made the eggs and milk and sugar puddin part, added pecans and cinnamon streusal and made a homemade sweetened cream cheese and cinnamon "glaze" for it. Plus pepper bacon and a fruit bowl with mango, strawberry and blueberry. It was super delicious.
Let's see, random catch up shit. Fundraising for the school trip to DC is done. I don't have a total but it looks like each of the kids (whose families actually participated in the fund raising) are gonna walk away with over a hundred bucks for spending money. Not too shabby.
Our Charity Auction raised over 28k. That is a 5 and a half percent increase over last year. I work with good people. In fact leaving my company will be the only bummer about leaving this state and it is a pretty big bummer.
We are totally spending the night at the airport pre-Hawaii. Kidlet's plane from DC gets in at 11:30 pm on Tuesday night. If it is on time out of Denver. We have to be checked in for the Hawaii flight by 6am Wednesday morning. The drive from my the airport to my house would take 45 mins. We'd have to get up at 4 to be at the airport by 6.
Um....yeah. Gonna work until 8, have my dad drop me off at the airport and hang out till we get on the Hawaii plane. Kidlet rightfully get's first dibs on the shower in Honolulu.
Oh! We have a new station called "The Brew." Kidlet and I call it Butt Rock FM. Heavy heavy rotation of Billy Squire, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, ACDC, Poison etc etc. With the occasional Rush, Tom Petty, The Clash and Skynyrd thrown in just ta make ya go "wha?" We are quite diggin on it right now.
Green Day fans the entire new album 21st Century Breakdown is now streaming in it's entirety here:
http://www.mtv.com/music/the_leak/green_day/21st_century_breakdown/#
And oh my god it kicks ass. In fact (looks around) I like it more than U2's new album :P
Yeah I went there. I LOVE Horizon but I wish it was just a tad bit more upbeat. Cause I am a dance music ho :P
I am a bitter bitch today. My mom just made the most awesome ornamental herb garden complete with a water feature in her back yard and I wants it, my precious. I miss gardening. I can actually pretty much whatever I want around my townhouse but my hands are not happy with it.
Mother's Day was nice. We had awesome french toast bread pudding. Mom used cinnamon roll bread and white bread, made the eggs and milk and sugar puddin part, added pecans and cinnamon streusal and made a homemade sweetened cream cheese and cinnamon "glaze" for it. Plus pepper bacon and a fruit bowl with mango, strawberry and blueberry. It was super delicious.
Let's see, random catch up shit. Fundraising for the school trip to DC is done. I don't have a total but it looks like each of the kids (whose families actually participated in the fund raising) are gonna walk away with over a hundred bucks for spending money. Not too shabby.
Our Charity Auction raised over 28k. That is a 5 and a half percent increase over last year. I work with good people. In fact leaving my company will be the only bummer about leaving this state and it is a pretty big bummer.
We are totally spending the night at the airport pre-Hawaii. Kidlet's plane from DC gets in at 11:30 pm on Tuesday night. If it is on time out of Denver. We have to be checked in for the Hawaii flight by 6am Wednesday morning. The drive from my the airport to my house would take 45 mins. We'd have to get up at 4 to be at the airport by 6.
Um....yeah. Gonna work until 8, have my dad drop me off at the airport and hang out till we get on the Hawaii plane. Kidlet rightfully get's first dibs on the shower in Honolulu.
Oh! We have a new station called "The Brew." Kidlet and I call it Butt Rock FM. Heavy heavy rotation of Billy Squire, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, ACDC, Poison etc etc. With the occasional Rush, Tom Petty, The Clash and Skynyrd thrown in just ta make ya go "wha?" We are quite diggin on it right now.
Green Day fans the entire new album 21st Century Breakdown is now streaming in it's entirety here:
http://www.mtv.com/music/the_leak/green_day/21st_century_breakdown/#
And oh my god it kicks ass. In fact (looks around) I like it more than U2's new album :P
Yeah I went there. I LOVE Horizon but I wish it was just a tad bit more upbeat. Cause I am a dance music ho :P
Friday, May 08, 2009
More Pretty Girls Than One
A quickies since I just got home and I am working 12 hours tomorrow to get a 40 hour week.
First off, NO SURGERY FOR KIDLET!! Whooo hooo!!!
Well unless she dislocates it again. *rolls eyes*
It's supposed to be nice this weekend and we are doing dinner at my mom's on Sunday. Kidlet will be helping me plant pots for our back deck. I love to garden but I have really horrible contact eczema on my hands and dirt and I are not sympatico.
Here's a sample of my random thoughts of this week.
"Man I gotta buy Dead Sets. Brokedown Palace live is so damn good!"
That thought led to this one:
"I totally got screwed as far as pot goes. Does NOTHING for me. Bah."
"That is one GIGANTIC ass on that 'homeless' woman. And why do we see her every morning eating inside of McD's before begging OUTSIDE of McD's?"
"Is 55 mph too scary for you, ya retard?!?!"
(that's for you Katherine!)
Here's the thing. Political correctness has it purpose. But mental retardation is a medical condition. It is what it is. I would never condone calling someone who is mentally retard "retard!" but if you get in front of me on the fuckin freeway and go 45 mph then I'm gonna wonder if you pulled a fast one on the DMV when they issued you that license.
And final random thought, "Damn I love Lyle."
Back Monday!
First off, NO SURGERY FOR KIDLET!! Whooo hooo!!!
Well unless she dislocates it again. *rolls eyes*
It's supposed to be nice this weekend and we are doing dinner at my mom's on Sunday. Kidlet will be helping me plant pots for our back deck. I love to garden but I have really horrible contact eczema on my hands and dirt and I are not sympatico.
Here's a sample of my random thoughts of this week.
"Man I gotta buy Dead Sets. Brokedown Palace live is so damn good!"
That thought led to this one:
"I totally got screwed as far as pot goes. Does NOTHING for me. Bah."
"That is one GIGANTIC ass on that 'homeless' woman. And why do we see her every morning eating inside of McD's before begging OUTSIDE of McD's?"
"Is 55 mph too scary for you, ya retard?!?!"
(that's for you Katherine!)
Here's the thing. Political correctness has it purpose. But mental retardation is a medical condition. It is what it is. I would never condone calling someone who is mentally retard "retard!" but if you get in front of me on the fuckin freeway and go 45 mph then I'm gonna wonder if you pulled a fast one on the DMV when they issued you that license.
And final random thought, "Damn I love Lyle."
Back Monday!
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
If You Can't Take The Heat Get Yo' Ass Out The Kitchen
Yay Work! At the office today making up some time from Miz Sickies week of snot. Me thinks Wolverine tomorrow is the ticket for my day off.
Next week is sheer madness. Have to get a 12x12 foot backdrop from my office to kidlets school for the dance to raise money. Same night I have my first Parent Committee meeting at the High School. Tuesday .....dun dun duuuuunnn....The Knee Doctor. Hopefully we will be told that all is dandy and she has no need for surgery. Pleeze Baybee Jeebus. Wednesday...Meyer Briggs class at work. Thursday High School Site Council Meeting at 7am. Friday...School Dance for DC fundraising. Oy Vey!
Speaking of DC, they moved Kidlet's dates again. She goes June 19th-23rd. Gets back late the 23rd. Not sure HOW late. Which could be interesting since we have to be right back at the airport on the 24th at 6am to fly to Hawaii. If her DC flight gets in late I am going to pack and go out there and we are just spending the night at the airport. Cause if that plane gets in at 10pm I am not driving all the way to Hillsboro to get up at 4am to be back there at 6am. Nuh uh. Might take her dad's advice and get a cheap room for a shower and some dinner.
I am so seriously craving a salad. I think it is Big Salad night for Kidlet and Moi. And on that note I leave you with the last three songs I just listened to on shuffle =)
Grateful Dead - US Blues Live
Coolio - Fantastic Voyage
The Cult - Love Removal Machine (this song kicks so much ass)
Next week is sheer madness. Have to get a 12x12 foot backdrop from my office to kidlets school for the dance to raise money. Same night I have my first Parent Committee meeting at the High School. Tuesday .....dun dun duuuuunnn....The Knee Doctor. Hopefully we will be told that all is dandy and she has no need for surgery. Pleeze Baybee Jeebus. Wednesday...Meyer Briggs class at work. Thursday High School Site Council Meeting at 7am. Friday...School Dance for DC fundraising. Oy Vey!
Speaking of DC, they moved Kidlet's dates again. She goes June 19th-23rd. Gets back late the 23rd. Not sure HOW late. Which could be interesting since we have to be right back at the airport on the 24th at 6am to fly to Hawaii. If her DC flight gets in late I am going to pack and go out there and we are just spending the night at the airport. Cause if that plane gets in at 10pm I am not driving all the way to Hillsboro to get up at 4am to be back there at 6am. Nuh uh. Might take her dad's advice and get a cheap room for a shower and some dinner.
I am so seriously craving a salad. I think it is Big Salad night for Kidlet and Moi. And on that note I leave you with the last three songs I just listened to on shuffle =)
Grateful Dead - US Blues Live
Coolio - Fantastic Voyage
The Cult - Love Removal Machine (this song kicks so much ass)
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