One Love, One Blood, One Life

You Got To Do What You Should

December 1st is World AIDS day. As a Gen X'er I have pretty much grown up under the specter of this disease. No free love, or swinging, or love the one your with (or whoever's keys you fish out of the bowl) for my peers and myself. I remember hearing about AIDS for the first time as "GRID." Dan Rather looked somber and they had one of the medical charts that shows a heart rate. The tie in on that was always a bit hazy for me, since the end all, be all, do all result of this disease seemed to be NO heart beat. I remember the gay bashing and the bigotry that came with it. I remember the hysteria over things like drinking fountains.

I remember Ryan White, I remember Rock Hudson, I remember Bobby Campbell. I remember the sick feeling I had watching people protesting with signs saying they were "dying of red tape." I remember being very proud of the people in Act Up for the Wall Street demonstrations. I remember a rather unpleasant dinner conversation with an uncle who worked for Burroughs Welcome.

And I remember the faces of the people I took care of who were dying of AIDS.

From 1989-1991 I worked in an inner city hospital on the medical floor as a CNA. The hospital was located in a trendy area popular with Gen X'ers, artists, young families with children looking for a more urban lifestyle, and the gay and lesbian community. It also had a large housebound geriatric population and a growing homeless population.

In 17 months, I saw faces from each of these groups die of AIDS. The drag queens, the artists, the elderly, and the children were all represented. I remember the grandmother who beat cancer but died a year later at 83 from the blood transfusions she received. I remember the street people who died. At times, we didn't even know their real names. I remember the hemophiliac kids who were still fighting the disease when I left. I remember the street kids - teenagers- and their combative attitudes when given their diagnosis. It seemed impossible to them that they were 16 and would probably die before they reached legal drinking age. Can you blame them?

I remember Tony, who's family would have nothing to do with him. In their minds, AIDS was gods punishments for gays. Tony was a sweetheart. He was a stylist. His last words to me were some heartfelt advice on my hair and it's complete lack of style. Had he been able to give me the "do" he had in mind, I am sure I would have conquered the world. We were the same age. He was 22 when he died.

I remember Ollie and his love of Haagen Daz blueberry and cream swirl ice cream. I remember his love of papaya. I remember nearly falling over when he came back to visit us before his final relapse. He was back from Hawaii with papayas in hand. He was gorgeous. The last time I saw him he weighed a bit over 90 pounds while standing over 6 feet tall. I could carry him like I did my daughter. When she was two.

I remember Robert and the amazing bead work he did despite the fact that AIDS left him blind. He made the most intricate Indian moccasins. I remember walking in the AIDS walk the year he died. It was dedicated to his memory.

Most of all I remember Neal. And his cigarettes and how he nearly burned his bed down trying to smoke one. I remember the bags of Hershey's kisses he'd have his SO bring me every time I was scheduled to work. I remember his love of clear high heel pumps with the goldfish in the heels. That man could make me laugh like no one else. I miss you, Neal.

I remember the 20+ funerals I attended. I remember holding the hands of men with no families present. I remember both comforting and being comforted by life partners when death finally came. I remember the kind woman who was volunteering at the Names Project who was there with a hug and a box of tissues when I found the quilts of three of my patients and burst into tears looking at the ordinary reminders of lives that were gone and people who were no more.

I remember when the AIDS death total finally exceeded that of the Vietnam War. Over 58,000 dead from the virus. That was then.

Today, AIDS has killed over 30 million people. 90% of them in developing countries where kids die every single day from lack of medicines that cost less than your average candy bar.

Our politicians are only as good as we make them be. Hold them accountable. If enough people stand up and demand they do something about AIDS and all the stupid poverty related deaths that could be avoided, they will. Remind them that it's not about charity, it's about justice.

The changes we need may not happen tomorrow, or next month, or next year. But if we keep making noise, they will happen, and maybe todays kids will not have to live in a world where a child dies every three seconds from AIDS and poverty. Make noise for these people. Make noise for my kid and her friends. Make noise for your kids or the children in your family.

Please visit One.org and sign the declaration.

25 years of HIV: key dates
worldaidsday.org

1981 First documented case of AIDS (then referred to as GRID)
1982 AIDS first used as a term and is detected on five continents
1985 Rock Hudson first public figure to be known to have died of AIDS
1986 Needle exchanges first piloted in the UK
1987 Don’t Die of Ignorance campaign
1987 Photographs of Princess Diana holding the hand of an AIDS patient broadcast around the world
1987 First form of anti-retroviral treatment available (AZT) in the US
1987 National AIDS Trust founded
1987 First successful form of HIV ‘anti-body’ tests widely available in the UK
1988 First World AIDS Day held
1989 First HIV awareness materials targeted at gay men produced by Health Education Authority
1990 Mark Fowler diagnosed HIV positive on Eastenders
1991 Half of the 500,000 people living with HIV in the West had died
1991 Freddie Mercury died
1991 Red ribbon becomes the international symbol of HIV
1991 Princess Diana becomes patron of the National AIDS Trust
1991 Number of people infected with HIV worldwide reaches 10 million
1995 The film Philadelphia screened
1995 First combination therapy treatment available in the US dramatically improving the life chances of people living with HIV
1996 UNAIDS established
1999 90% of all people living with HIV are in the developing world
2001 Pharmaceutical companies abandon court case against South Africa’s Treatment Access Campaign, allowing generic production of anti-retrovirals for the first time
2002 Global Fund to fight AIDS, TB and Malaria set up to increase funding to fight the world’s biggest killer diseases
2003 The 3 x 5 initiative launched to get treatment to 3 million people by 2005
2005 40 million people with AIDS worldwide. Globally only 1.3 million people have access to treatment

Thursday Thirteen #2: More Cowbell!

The Kidlet. The Wonderbean. The Danger Mouse.

I truly like my kid as a person. I'd like her even if she wasn't my kid. She is just cool like that. I'd say her defining characteristic is her predilection for marching to her own drum. It started early. I knew I had a true individual on my hands by the time she was 9 months old. Picture if you will a fabric and decor store downtown called The Daisy Kingdom. Tres Yuppy.

I had planned to buy a stuffed animal for Kidlet. The store had simply adorable animals to choose from. A fluffy lamb. A cuddly kitten. A velvet rabbit. A fuzzy teddy bear. Did my kid like any of these perfectly traditional children's toys? No she did not. She immediately gravitated towards a bizarre, black and white, weirdly skinny cow. Yes COW.

On that day we added Claude Moo the French Cow to our family. So in honor of Claude Moo and Kidlet Too I give you:

13 Songs with More Cowbell! *

1. One Nation Under A Groove - Parliment Funkadelic
2. Alex Chilton - The Replacements
3. Stone Free - Jimi Hendrix
4. Touch of Grey - Grateful Dead
5. So Alive - Love and Rockets
6. Veronica - Elvis Costello
7. A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley
8. Unforgettable Fire - U2
9. Time Has Come - Chambers Brothers
10. Fly Me Courageous - Drivin' n Cryin'
11. Hold On I'm Comin' - Sam and Dave
12. Love Shack - B52's
13. Down On The Corner - Creedence Clearwater Revival

*Additional Tidbit of info on me. I have each of these songs in my cd collection. Cows Rule!

I Know I'm Not A Hopeless Case

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
But there's no room
No space to rent in this town
You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Always
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace
Always

It's a beautiful day
The sky falls and you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination
You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you
Always

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day
Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light, and
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth

After the flood all the colors came out

Day

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
It was a beautiful day

It's warm in the sun, I reach to the sun


Somehow every time I hear this song, I immediately feel so much better. It is like musical prozac. Even gets rid of the slightly nauseous feeling I get when the Ex (bf variety) logs onto Yahoo.

Bono Rules.

What's Your Name, Little Girl?

I was listening to Muse - Starlight on my way in to work today. Great song. So nice when a song with your name, or a version there of, does not suck. That got me thinking about web names and how we come up with them. I have heard some crazy stories about how folks dreamed up their alter egos. Mine ranks as fairly boring.

Starrlight Starrbright was a character name I used in Everquest. It was a play on an old childhood nickname I had, Starchild. Cause I had a really "groovy" natal astrological chart. What can I say, the parentals were hippies. Anyhow, Starr as a nickname has tagged me all my life and when I created an enchanter class in EQ it just worked. Enchanters cast spells in the game that made other people fight better or cast spells easier. We were pez dispensers. Or in my case since the toon was tall, blonde and looked like Barbie, The Perky Pez Wench. That always amused me as I am the last person to ever be mistaken for Poster Child for Perk.

Wench or Wenchies is another name I have been known to fling around the web. Yet another EQ character I had was Sorchia Elvenwench. Is that not just a killer name for an elf character? I've used both for handles. The Elvenwench remains my favorite. I've used Lillyth as well, but that one is old as hills.

All this got me thinking and pondering on you all and your names. So how bout it? I'd love to hear the stories behind the names on my comments. Spill them beans, peeps!

Wish You Were Here Wordless Wednesday

I should have held out for the watch.

Check out the photographer's site here.

All We Are Saying

Is that this:



Is a Satanic image. So much for Jesus the man of peace. Apparently, hoping for peace is offensive to some folks in the community with children in Iraq. It seems that wishing for death, destruction, and oh I don't know, mandatory amputation would be a bit more patriotic in these idiots opinions.

As silly as this sounds, it isn't.

In case any of you are as flat stunned by the insane reasoning behind this as I wa and would like to comment on it directly to the gentleman in question in this article, you can reach Mr Kearns via the Loma Linda HOA Bob Kearns at 970-264-4706. They have a website as well but it appears to be "under contruction." With a copywrite date of 2005. Ahem :p

Every Wisdom Has It's Price

Subtitled: Live Through This

It is trying to snow out here in the Silicon Forest. Trying. Succeeding only in making the roads icy, the drivers stoooooopid, and my mood black. I was out yesterday due to the weather. Such fun. Today was worse and STILL her damn school does not have a late start. Grr.

Got kidlet back on Sunday. Got the lowdown on her T Day with her Dad's family. Also got the skinny on this years edition of Stupid Ex Tricks. Apparently, her dad had a few (ha ha) beers and got on the subject of how having kids changes a marriage. He then proceeded to say that having kidlet ruined our marriage. In FRONT of the kid no less. Of course, it was because I was selfish and didn't like being second. Which is funny as hell given my recent discovery of my old online diaries. In them I address that very issue. Except of course that I was thrilled he was paying more attention to her than he was to me. I didn't mind being second. I minded being third, and I minded his computer addiction being first very much.

Kidlet is smart enough to have known that was crap. Even better, his sister and her husband told him that was crap. Sigh. Between the bailing on his daughter last week when he got home and this, I SO deserve a frickin set of wings for not running the eejit over. Grr.

What with that and the other ex being on my mind courtesy of his recent (yesterday) birthday it all adds up to the "I am in a pissy mood" motif I have been exhibiting this last month.

So happy birthday wherever you are to one and FOAD to the other.

I need java :p

Speak To Me In A Language I Can Hear

I got tagged by TheThinker. And I thank her for that, cause after my mental blogdown last night, I was kinda short on inspiration. So without further ado, I present:

Three Things Tag


1. 3 Things that scare me: clowns; bees and wasps; heights

2. 3 People who make me laugh: Chris Rock; Jon Stewart; John Irving

3. 3 Things I love: chocolate; coffee; books

4. 3 Things I hate: insomnia; bad writing; zealots of any kind

5. 3 Things I don’t understand: tomatoes; bigotry; the appeal of most popular music.

6. 3 Things on my desk: coffee cup; Burt's Bees lip balm; my cd carrier

7. 3 Things I’m doing right now: writing; listening to music; working (I am I swear

8. 3 Things I want to do before I die: volunteer in Africa with an NGO; move out of this state; tour all the historical sites I've read about.

9. 3 Things I can do: Write; Cook; Juggle multiple tasks at one time and not mess them up. Yes this includes bringing home the bacon and frying it in the pan.

10. 3 Things I can’t do: Tie a cherry stem in a knot; get into geometry; speak another language. Something tells me swearing in Greek does not count.

11. 3 Things I think you should listen to: Achtung Baby - U2; Mind Bomb - The The; The Best of Sam and Dave - Sam and Dave.

12. 3 Things you should never listen to: People who tell you that you are not good enough; polka music on headphones; that horrifying K Fed Ex song. VH1 played a clip of it and I swear my ears bled.

13. 3 Things I’d like to learn: Italian; Ballroom Dancing; web design.

14. 3 Favorite foods: Pretty much all Italian; ditto French; and Dessert in its many wonderous forms. Special shout out to chocolate.

15. 3 Beverages I drink regularly: Coffee; Diet Coke; Red Wine

16. 3 Shows I watched as a kid: Scooby Doo; Gilligan's Island; H.R. Pufnstuf

17. 3 People I’m tagging: Belle; RWA; Miz Shinka. But only if they are up to it!

Sigh

So I see that Beta has decided to fuck up my sidebars and footers. Quite fun since they show up in the lay out editor. And then started disappearing one by one. Get your shit together, Googlites.

Have You Come Here To Play Jesus

To The Lepers In Your Head?

Why yes, Bono, it appears I have.

What else could have driven me from my home back to my office at nearly 10pm? Other than 2 glasses of wine and the holiday season. Could it be the entire concept of thankfulness and my lack of enthusiasm for that this year? How bout the upcoming birthday of the Ex (bf variety) on Monday which drags him front and center in my mind? My lack of vacation? Lack of a cigarette? Lack of sex? The entire hamster on a wheel motif of my life?

I can't forget to mention stumbling upon my old online diaries written way back in 1999 and 2000. Got to love mothballed emails, eh? I seem to have spaced the fact that D (ex-bf variety) sent me those via email. These diaries encompass both pre and post marital break up. Pre is a month long look at the disintigration of a marriage and my confidence.

Honestly, reading that is rather odd. It is about some of the most painful times I have ever gone through, courtesy of the Ex Formerly Known As Husband. Yet, it's bitingly funny. Vain of me I know, but it is. I have this compulsive need to write for an audience and an even bigger compulsive need to be entertaining. The Ex BF read it and told me he felt awful for laughing out loud while reading it but he couldn't help it. It does include one hell of a funny blowjob story. Funny in hindsight of course. It was more mind blowing at the time it occurred. And not in an orgasmic kind of way.

This is why quitting smoking sucks so badly for me. It's my prop, dammit. My image as a sarcastic east coast naughty librarian is completely shot to fucking hell without it. I swear because of this, I am gonna be wearing black the remainder of my life.

The post break up version is quite different and it seems to be what my mind is stuck on tonight. Enough to make me literally run out of my house in search of an open Starbucks and a computer. Story of my life, running to stand still. (Yes, there is a U2 lyric for every fucking thing in my life. Deal with it.)

I seemed ridiculously happy in the post break-up 2000 version. Why wouldn't I have been? I was in a good place there. Not financially, oh hell no. Not with the Ex (husband variety) that is for damn sure. He was still hacking my computer around then. But reading it, man, I was really happy to finally just be me. It was like being seen and heard for the first time in my life.

Oh don't get me wrong, I was pretty smug regarding the other Ex (bf variety) about that time. It was written on his computer while I was in Atlanta, so go figure. Oh and he had a job then. Let's just leave it at that. We all know I am not over that break up and probably never will be.

So that has me thinking. Am I happy? You know what? I don't really know the answer to that question. I don't feel actively unhappy either. I am fairly certain I am not content, but at the same time, I don't feel like a big ole ball of discontent, either. Which begs the question of just what do I feel? Or even do I feel at all?

That is a rather distressing thought to have, friends and neighbors. Lucky for me, I did have an answer. An immediate one, at that.

I feel authentic.

I have not a fucking clue in the world if I am happy or sad or depressed or content or bored or lonely or horny or nicotine deprived. But I do know that I feel like me. And that is worth it's weight in gold.

Cause I can fake it, peeps. And it looks great. Academy Award winning happiness. But there is no feeling on this planet more sickening than feeling alone while surrounded by people, or a fraud in your own skin. The hangover on that one is a nasty bitch.

The point is, be yourself. It's better to be yourself and maybe not have the picture perfect life, than it is to fake being someone you are not. A wiser woman than I am now once wrote the following take on humanity. Glad I didn't delete what she had to say. Sometimes the best bitchslap you can get or give, is to yourself. Thanks for the friendly reminder, Self.

"We humans need to learn to trust ourselves a bit more. We make choices in our lives not based on what we truly want or need, but rather on how we will look to others. And we completely miss out on the fact that we are busy trying to impress all the other fools of the world who are trying to impress us! Talk about your chain of fools.

The Ex told me I had an entitlement attitude. He went so far as to take Ayn Rand’s name in vain. It should go without saying that made me huffy. But now I think he might have been right. Fuck yes, I have an entitlement attitude. I am entitled live my life, not merely exist. I have the right to want to do what makes me happy. I have the right to do what I need to do to make me happy. It's my choice if I do these things, not his or anyone else for that matter. I have the right to love whomever I want, think whatever I want, and say whatever I want. I have the right to try new things. Success or failure is not the point. The simple act of trying is what counts.

If that makes me selfish, then sign me the hell up. I mean really. Look at what I just wrote. Is that really asking for something unreasonable? It seems like your basic human rights to be yourself. It sickening when you find yourself identifying with Tori Amos, but Silent All These Years just sums it up way too well. This was a change on a monumental scale for me. No longer could I stomach being 50 thousand different people to make my family happy or to try to live up to the image I thought they expected of me. The time had finally come for me to be me.

'Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been years....Silent all these years.'

Oh yeah and let me tell you folks when I finally found my voice again I got loud! The mouthy, raunchy, outrageous side of my personality (well hell, to be honest that IS my personality) was front and center, thank you. And no I don't mean I went on a one-woman bitchtrip, I just stopped telling people what I thought they wanted to hear from me. Want to hear something interesting? NO ONE DROPPED DEAD OR BANISHED ME!

Quite the shocker."

I Talk Super Smart

My kid is gonna smack me for that title. She told me that in just those terms one night when she was a wee bit tired. I swear, Kidlet! I am not teasing you, it just worked for this test result, mmk?!?!

And I am SO NOT AN ERUD! Get real! It's High Elf all the way people.

My ex (husband variety) was an erud. I was always an elfy type. Wood, High, Half or Dark. Pointy ears rule, People.

Your Vocabulary Score: A+

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary! You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

Weirdness Is As Weirdness Does

Thanks to Parlancheq for giving me something to talk about. Or post about. Or cut and paste about. Whatever.

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind. You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

This one was a no brainer. Um, like duh. I am an Aquarian. I loved the question asking if you had ever been called "smart" and "crazy."

You are 100% Aquarius

How Aquarius Are You?

Cause Time Goes By Like Hurricanes

I think I have recovered from my food coma. Maybe. I still feel kinda spaced out today. Damn that L-tryptophan!

Kidlet's dad got her around 3ish and they headed to the beach for the evening with his GF's family. Didn't stop him from woofing down a slice of mom's pumpkin pie though. Away from the windows of course. Can't be seen doing that!

Dinner was stellar as usual. And Mamasan took pity on me and finally made me a pecan pie. I love pecan pie. No scratch that, I worship at the alter of pecan pie. Pecan and cherry pretty much take care of my pie needs.

Mom is flying out to Utah again today. My great aunt Alice died earlier this week. I am wondering who is next. Uncle George died last month. These things go in threes. Poor Gramps probably hopes it is him. I think he is still pissed off he didn't kick the bucket last year with the GI bleed. He is annoyed he has lived as long as he has after Grams died. I think he feels it is ungentlemanly.

So far Maui still looks like May. And what with the cash I am saving not smoking I should have spending money! If you figure a pack at day at 4.90 that is around $1788 a year. I can buy a lot of shaved ice with that.

At work of course. I should have some help later today. I just want to catch this shit up before I get truly slammed again in January. 35 mins per group with approx 250 groups a month and you get the picture. That works out to a bit over 18 standard 8 hour days. There are only 22 week days in Nov :P

I am in a hard core Blues Traveler mood today. However it looks like people other than Moi are starting to come in to the office. Bleh :P

I think I need to hit Starbucks again for a fast refil and bagel moment and then get on to editting this crap.

I Don't Know How To Read But I Got A Lot Of Toys

Kidlet is at the Ex's. He was actually waiting for us yesterday when we got home from her school. And I didn't ram his foo foo car with mine! I am very proud of myself for that.

I am still picking kidlet up today because he is apparently going to work. Why bother for one day is what I am wondering. No biggie, I like the fact that I see her every single day other than every other Sunday. We get to chat and I can stay on top of her school work that way. Handy.

It is the day before Thanksgiving and I am in a seriously snarky mood. Maybe because of all the baby daddy drama, I dunno. Either way I am just not feeling it. Which is pathetic since I have a ton to be thankful for. I am just not feeling the congregation mood or the "love the one your with" vibe this year.

Gobble Gobble.

It just seems fairly vacant some how. That is probably due to my general dissatisfaction with my job and life. Legal documents are necessary, sure, but not very uplifting.

Heck I even had to fight for my right to stay on our Charity Auction Committee. The boss was not feeling our catholic mission to help the poor and needy by letting her tech participate to a large degree. I pretty much had to lay out on the line that I do enough work work around here and I need a break from the cut and dry paperwork. I think I had that glint in my eye or something. She even added it to my career goals for next year. Heh :P

Wordless Wednesday

Am I A Bad Person

If this headline, "Crews clean up a sticky situation after a semitruck carrying whipped cream topples over on Interstate 5" spins my thoughts right into the gutter?

All The People So Many People

Lost and found ex is found. He was apparently too tired to call. And his blackberry thingie is broken. And he forgot my office number. And apparently his girlfriend's phone didn't work. Oh and Kidlet's phone that is over at his house didn't work. And my emails that he was able to read on his laptop were unanswerable. Oh and they didn't have my office number on them, even though every single frickin other email I send has my signature and phone number.

You get the point. Whole lotta excuses. Poor kidlet. What is worse, worry your dad is hurt or missing or finding out he just kinda blew you off. To go to a movie. We finally got a hold of him around 6. Mmmk.

THIS is why we are no longer co-habitating, kthx.

It does no good to get pissed either. He lives in his own world and I am sure has any number of reasons why we are over reacting, possibly even mentally ill in our need for communication and attention. That last bit, in case you are wondering, is a oldie but goodie he used to toss at me when I wanted him to log off his damn computer and actually spend time with me. Mentally unstable person that I am :P

Enough about him. Meh.

SO....Eval. It went fine. I got the low end of what I thought I would get, mostly because I had more than 6 personal ill days. Yes 6. In a year. And that is for things like the Air Conditioner dude not showing up as well as my flu. So I got a 3% rather than a 3.5% raise. Big whoop. I think that works out to a whopping 120 bucks a YEAR less after taxes. The hardest part was the freaky mental image of Gwar and chickens and sex I was talking about yesterday.Ended up be the only amusing part of my day.

On a side note I am THRILLED to see that Rupert Murdoch has called off that entire OJ debacle. Our local station had already announced it would not air the interview which makes me even more happy that I took the time to email them and threaten a boycott!

Ever Lost An Ex?

Kidlet's dad (Ex, husband variety) appears to have vanished. He was in Spain on business from the 8th -18th. Last he called and talked to Kidlet was Sunday the 12th. Now not hearing from him while he is out of town and many hours time difference away is not all that unusual. But not hearing from him at all the day he was supposed to fly home is. Or the day after he was supposed to be home. Or today.

He is not answering his phone (again, this is not a biggie) and he is not answering text messages. So if he does not surface by tonight, I suppose we go over there and bang on the door. His girlfriend is not answering HER phone either. If she went postal and did anything to the kidlet's dad, I am so going to have to put the smackdown on her ass. If he is just flaking out, well then, he is going to have some explaining to do, cause kidlet is seriously upset.

On a lighter note, I am on my way to part 2 of my review. Unfortunately, Belle has this seriously deranged post up over at her site and the mental images it has induced are scarring me. Therefore I must inflict it on you. Go check her out!

Wasted, Sacrifice For A New Nirvana,

Yawn.

At the office with the Kidletkins. We played around with her blog and redid the look ala the new beta. Not sure if it is kosher for us to be in here. They have this huge boom crane out there putting a new heating system on the roof. Big woot for that, our heating systems sucks hard.

So my eval was yesterday. Well part 1 of it was. She was running late and wanted to sit down and go over my self eval form and talk about what to add to each of the areas. So I don't know what I will get for a raise until Monday but past experience says no less that 3.3% and no more than 3.5% will be the range. Livin large, peeps!

Kiddo and I may bail and go hang out for a read over at the Buck of Starr. But the good Starbucks, not the one staffed by mouth breathing idiots over by our house.

Think fast I am digressing. What the fuck makes any business think that 48 hours is going to magically change your mind on doing business with them? I cancelled my subscription to the Oregonian on Thursday (there is the 48 hour part) because I never read the damn paper on the weekend ever, and I don't smoke anymore so the weekday break with the paper is out. And I felt badly for killing trees.

So I called and cancelled. They asked if I was interested in doing the Sunday only and I told them no, that was the one I was least likely to read.

Fastforward to today. I get this call from...The Oregonian. I was told that I was one of their most "loyal" customers (I had subscribed for a whopping 8 months) and what did they do to lose me?

Jeez. Aside from the fact that I don't read it...could your hard sale stalkeresque calls have anything to do with it??!?!?!

Pausing now for java break. Damn Newspaper.

Chicks Rule!

Beat On The Brat With A Baseball Bat

Ok peoples. Pray for me. I have my employee review today. And I am at the end of my rope with the delays, the lack of communication, the petty gate keeping, the broken (still!!) computer systems, etc etc etc.

Probably not a great frame of mind for me to be in heading into this. Would telling your boss you think the current situation and management's responces to it are fuxored be a bad thing? Ya think?

Lord help me to maintain my cool.

Tell The Rambler, The Gambler, The Back Biter

God's Gonna Cut You Down

Elder? How Bout Eldritch

Big Shocker here folks! And thanks to Belle for posting her results first!

Elder Goth 100% Neo Goth 80% Old School Punk 70% Kindergoth 60% Mope Rocker 60% Industrialist 60% New School Punk 40% Bondage Freak 40% Synthpop Devoteé 20% Emo Kid 20% Which musical counterculture do you fit in with? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Elder Goth. Elder Goths are those goths who entered the scene during either the First (late 70's, early 80's) or Second Dark Wave (early 90's). Ian Astbury is a good example of an Elder Goth, as is Carl McCoy, Andrew Eldritch, or Andi Sex Gang (the original "Goth"). Christian Death, Alien Sex Fiend, Red Lorry-Yellow Lorry, .45 Grave, Bauhaus, Joy Division, Specimen, The Cult (Southern Death Cult/ Death Cult), Sisters of Mercy, Fields of the Nephilim, Mission UK, and other bands of the Batcave era are in the music collection of your (there's no such thing as average) Elder Goth.

Thursday Thirteen - "You Just Put Your Lips Together And Blow"

My very first Thursday Thirteen! Here is a tidbit of info on me. I can not whistle. Oh I can make a noise kinda like a bird being strangled. But carry a tune? Not on your life. And it makes me so mad! I long to whistle. Long, loud, gloriously....like the folks in these 13 songs that feature whistling in them.

1. "Don't Worry Be Happy" - Bobby McFerrin
2. "Patience" - Guns N Roses
3. "Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard" - Paul Simon
4. "Dock of the Bay" - Otis Redding
5. "Walk Like An Egyptian" - The Bangles
6. "Winds of Change" - Scorpions
7. "Centerfold" - J. Geils Band
8. "Golden Years" - David Bowie
9. "Jungle Love" - Steve Miller Band
10. "The Stranger" - Billy Joel
11. "Generals and Majors" - XTC
12. "Every Morning" - Sugar Ray
13. "Blackbird" - The Beatles

For Non Blondes

Ok first off, I know that the band is really 4 Non Blondes. But seeing as this is a blonde joke, it is "for" non blondes. Get it? Funny, ain't I?

I got this as an email from a coworker and something about it just tickled me. Perhaps because I am in such a grumpy mood today. So without further ado, I present to you,

"PREGNANT TURKEY STORY."

One year, at Thanksgiving, my Mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast. Knowing the gullibility of my sister, my Mom decided
to play a little trick on her. She asked my sister to pick up something
needed from the store.

When my sister left, my Mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed
the stuffing, and inserted a Cornish game hen into the turkey, and
re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on Mom's face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her
that turkeys lay eggs! Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE!

Wordless Wednesday

I am in a mood today. Grr

Black Holes And Revelations

How did it get to be November? Somebody please explain to me where the summer, hell spring too, went? How did it come to this? 2 weeks and 3 days till Kidlet B Day!

Do I have a cake? Do I have presents? Do I have a plan? Hell to the no.

It could be worse. Kidlet wants a family birthday this year, no party with other kids. However it is her dad's year to have her and what with that and Thanksgiving, we have a great deal of shuffling on the horizon. Last year was not so bad. Her dad actually had Thanksgiving with us at my parents house. Talk about civilized :P He usually spends the later afternoon/evening with his sisters family. My kidlet adores her little twin cousins.

This year we have issues though. Specifically his GF has issues. She didn't seem too thrilled with our Halloween tradition of all having dinner and then trick or treating in the GrandParentals hood. And apparently she is not wild about the ex's sister either. Add to this, her kids have pretty much moved in with their dad full time (even though she has custody) and the whole damn things just gets murky. I so do not envy the ex having to deal with that. Kidlet is hoping we can do an early snack dinner at my parents, and then head to her Aunt A's Thanksgiving evening.

The chances of Birthday at the Grandparents going over with her is pretty low as well. One more hurdle to jump in my diplomatic future.

I am planning on taking a half day on the Friday before her birthday. School is out early that day (AND there is no school the following Monday. How lucky is she?!) and my plan is to get her, head out shopping for Bday fun and then go blow the $100 gift certificate I have for Pazzo restaurant. That should be fun!

Seems Like A Dream They Got Me Hypnotized

For those interested I am posting the link to the gentleman I saw for my hypnosis. His site has good info and should give you an idea of what to look for in your area.


Geoffrey Knight

This is a link to the newspaper story I found online that directed me too him.

Article

For All My Crimes Of Self Defense

So I have a new look. In general I am quite happy with it. With the minor exception of that green bar at the end of the page. Which for the life of me I can't find in the damn code. Grr. If anyone has any ideas on that, let me know. I still want to get a custom design in the future, but I am not sure with the current beta environment that it would even work!

Edit **Success! I found the damn gif to replace. Happy dance!**

Beta is not bad in general. In specific, not being able to cut and paste code due to the internal error, is stupid. The code works just dandy in non beta. And they need more template choices. In particular ones with graphics in the headers. At the very least that would give us more options to work with.

Moving on to the hypnosis. DAMN! That shit works. It works so well I am a bit suspicious. I totally think my subconscious mind has been holding out on me. Come on you bastard. Decide that I love and want to exercise. I totally know you can make me think that. Slacker.

All joking aside, it really worked. No patches or gum and no nicotine withdrawals either. You know how when you are trying to break a bad habit, your conscious mind is the one saying, "now now none of that!" while you subconscious is going, "oh come on, just one" at the same time? It is just the opposite. I go to Starbucks and mind conscious mind says, "hey we used to smoke and read at the same time." My subconscious mind is like, "what? did you say something?"

So I would highly recommend it as a behaviour modification. Plus it is way relaxing. I listened to the CD he made me of the session last night and told myself going into it that I would go to sleep when it was done and he counted down rather than waking up as I did at the session itself. And I did!

Oh, update on a possible, dare I say it, vacation. Yes it is looking like Maui is on the spring horizon. Oh please lordy lord let that happen. Get me out of this fucking state. It's been 3 years since I have been out of state. Excepting funerals etc in Utah and that is more like punishment. So cross your fingers for me and I promise to drink a pina colada for ya!

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

So today is D day. Or H day. Hypnosis day. Should be interesting. My boss wants to know if it works cause she is interested in hypnosis for weight loss. It's 250 bucks for as many sessions as you need in a year for smoking cessation. According to his references and an article in one of the local weeklies it usually takes on the first shot.

MamaSan is taking small child to her school dinner function tonight and getting me a take out plate. Small (CAST BOUND!) child helped set up 60 plus cafeteria tables yesterday. Needless to say when I got her home, the ankle was swollen. I swear this ankle situation has added to my grey hair. Mom is going to wash the cats and then shave their fuzzy little asses this evening as well. Tomorrow she is taking kidlet for her hair salon appointment and then keeping her overnight. I will be here at the office all day trying to catch up. Not, mind you, that my program is fixed. We are going on week 5 with the freeze issues. Nothing like having to task manager out of an application and relaunch it 20+ times an hour. No..that is not an exaggeration. I'll be in Sunday as well. Trying to catch this crap up.

Let's see, what else. Oh I read a news report today about Borat being sued by the drunk frat boys in his movie. That made me laugh. Ya got caught acting like a racist, sexist asshole and now you are embarrassed? Boo fucking hoo. Between that and this other story about a catholic Nun have convinced me that today is not a day to read up on the activities of my fellow man. Excepting my fellow bloggers of course!

The Grand Empress Of Savannah

"It's how I make my living. And I'll tell you somethin' else: It's damn hard work bein' a girl full time!

"Chablis," said Burt. "You're not being fair."

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil ~ John Berendt


A fun tag courtesy of Parlancheq. Or rather I tagged myself by reading her blog!

The instructions:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next 4 sentences and these instructions.
5. Tag 5 other unsuspecting bloggers.

For my 5 tags I will take a page from Parlancheq. First 5 to read it...tag you are it! Send me a link to your post and I will add it here.

Just Ask The Axis

Oh Glory Days! The new Sonic has opened up just around the corner from my house! Even MORE Glorious News...Popeyes is opening up by house as well.

Now if God would only shed his benevolent light on me and gimme gimme gimme a Waffle House!

The election results have put a big ole smile on my face as well. And Rumsfeld resigning as well. A big ole "WOOT" on that news as well. Of course we still have to wait and see what is what with the Senate race in Virginia.

Dinner tonight is definitely Sonic. Onion rings and a lime slushy. Yum!

Time After Time What's On Your Mind

Small child did a dumb thing last night. While visiting her grandfather and great grandmother (ex husband variety side of the family) she ate the food from the Crazy Romanian. That would be her grandfathers 4th (?) wife. Every time any of us ate her food, we'd get sick. She is responsible for the infamous "Fly in the Mushroom" incident that ruined mushrooms for the kidlet.

So, why oh why did she partake of the toxic chicken?!?!?

In part because what should have been a 1 hour drive across town in rush hour was in fact over a 2 hour drive, thanks to the flooding streets. They didn't eat before hand and she was hungry. Long story short, she is home from school today with the stomach issues. Which was nice only in that I didn't have to spend my lunch hour making the pick up/drop off trip. I still have to drop off my ballot on my way out of here. The county elections office is conveniently located across the street from my office. Handy! And we have vote by mail here. All we have to do is drive through the parking lot and hand them over to the volunteers.

The rain is slacking off a bit and it is getting colder. Signs that we are going to go back to our patented "drizzle." It does not really rain here in Oregon. You know, rains hard and then stops. Nope our rain is more like the leaky bladder of an incontinent senior. It piddles constantly.

My left arm is killing me. I got my flu shot in it this morning. I am so looking forward to a hot shower and a heating pad on that arm. I always have god awful reactions to flu shots. But the only time I got true influenza was the year I skipped the shot. So I suck it up and deal.

The ex (husband variety) goes to Spain tomorrow morning. Hopefully he will bring back something cool for the kidlet's birthday.

My online radio is finally working. It was having issues today. Just in time for some New Order. I was looking back on all the titles of my posts (most of which are song lyrics) and I have to say I have somewhat schizo taste in music. Well if the straightjacket fits, wear it :P

Jesus Can You Take The Time To Throw A Drowning Man A Line

Add me to the list, Mimi. What a lovely idea and a thank you to Doctor Anonymous for sharing his find.

Lively Up Yourself

Welcome to the pineapple express. It is POURING rain here. I nearly swamped out my car twice going to pick up Kidlet today. Terrible standing water. However, it is warm. Very warm. 65 degrees in November is unheard of here. We usually suffer from the end of October until April. In a good year.

I didn't work this weekend. I have really gotta start getting my ass in here. Of course I still have over 200 hours of overtime for the year. Last year I had over 500. Sick eh? I am getting old and burned out though. And when the programs are constantly broken why bother? I've been in this position for nearly 5 years and it gets old having shit for tools to work with. Bleh.

Sunday I went up to Camas and hung out with H. Just had snacky foods and coffee and shot the shit for a bit. It was pouring yesterday as well, but the drive was pretty easy. Even with being sleepy. I ended up being up and watching TV Saturday night until after 2am. I vacuumed at midnight. Mind you I didn't realize it was midnight. My neighbors must hate me. Sunday morning MamaSan woke me up at 8 calling to see if I wanted to go out to breakfast. So much for sleeping in. I have Kidlet from Tuesday the 7th all the way until Sunday the 19th. Mom is keeping her overnight on Saturday the 11th so they can go get her hair cut. I might go up to Camas again, or I might just chill at home.

This Friday is the hypnosis appointment for the smoking. Sure hope that works, cause the patches and the lozenges do not work. Or rather they work, they just give me hives and mouth ulcers, respectively. If I end up barking like a dog at weird moments or clucking like a chicken I am gonna be pissed off. Mom is going to pick up child and take her to Ham Dinner that night and then bring me back at take out plate from that. Talk about the test from Hell on that hypnosis working. A School Function. I loathe functions.

Kidlet and I need to begin birthday discussions here soon. She is pondering a music birthday present theme. As in, "Mom! Give me 100 bucks to spend at Amazon!"

I am so down with that. It adds to my cd collection as well. The kid has excellent taste for a near 12 year old. I know that several Cure cd's and REM cd's are on the list. And I think she wants another Sisters cd as well. This works very well for me :P

Hey...I got the episiotomy. Not like I am taking advantage here!

H and I tried playing with her template on beta blogger and it did not go so hot. All my blogrolling stuffies transferred nicely, but they were pre-existing. Adding it new to the beta templates is NOT happening.

Speaking of templates, I am starting to ponder paying for one for my blog. It would have to be in Feb as b-day present to myself. Pondering.

Eek. My radio station just made a fubar. They have these mini comment breaks where they talk about a specific year. They list an event that happened and then follow it with what was on the radio. So the year was 1981. The Niners did indeed win the Super Bowl. And "Pretty In Pink" was indeed released in 1981. However they played the fucked up perky version from the John Hughes movie. Which came out in 1986. Tsk Tsk, my fellow Gen X'ers at the station blew that!

*edit* Just got an email back from Gustav ( who is the shiznitz, btw) about that Furs song! And I quote,

"K,

Haha, I've been waiting for months and months for someone to finally point that out. You're the first to notice (or at least, to bother saying anything about it).

It's one of those "judgement call" things I guess. "Down In It" from Nine Inch Nails was released as a single in November of '89, yet "Pretty Hate Machine" the album didn't come out until early 1990. Yet, on that one, we still use 1990 as the "year" ID. Conversely, I'll bet that if we used 1986 as the year on the Pretty in Pink track, someone would probably tell us that we were wrong and that it originally came out in 1981!

At any rate, I'm glad you spotted it.

Gustav"

I love my radio station. They are so interactive. And they play the most kick ass music on the planet.



Alrighty. Back to work. At least the traffic will die down by the time I get out of here.

I'm A Million Different People From One Day To The Next

Eek a mouse!

Don't ask, that phrase has just been rattling around in my brain this morning. I ended up with small child last night as an extra. Rain caused a mommy delay in getting to school yesterday to pick her up (I was about 15 minutes late) and by the time I got there she had that "I am gonna cry and I don't like you much" look on her face. Poor kid had a horrendous sinus headache. She came home and slept for an hour and a half. I kept her so we didn't have to wake her up. Fortunately she is better today.

So, drama de jour. Where shall we start?

MamaSan is fighting with the Home Owners Association over various and sundry crap over at my condo. Like non functioning water sprinkler systems. Plants die, they pull them out. Sometimes they replace them (funny since they will only die again) and sometimes they just leave big gaping holes in what is supposed to be "beautifully landscaped common grounds." Add that to rain gutters that have NEVER been cleaned and fill up to the rim and we got a problem, Houston. Over compensation for sprinklers that won't get it up (they are there, they just don't...eject) via flooding rain gutters is not smart, Grasshopper.

One of the admin clerks did a boo boo and came up with a keystroke combo that flipped the monitor display 90 degrees. All was fine if you were willing to lay down on your left side to read the monitor. Apparently they called our help desk geeks and they were unable to fix it over the phone. Much hand flapping and "WTFing" were going on. I emailed the Ex (husband variety) and had it fixed in 5 mins.

It is sad when your ex husband provides better customer service than your company does. I mean really sad. Just read that sentence and ponder HOW sad.

It's rainy. It's gray. It will never ever been mistaken for Maui outside. And that sucks harder than my help desk folks or my Viagra challenged water sprinklers.

One of the admin clerks asked me how I could be so "serious" and so "funny" at the same time. I didn't clarify if that was funny ha-ha or funny strange. I think we all know the answer to that one, don't we?

MamaSan perused my blog this week, in particular the blog entry regarding the biological father. She was most complimentary and said I was well adjusted and generous. Generous I can see, but I don't think I have felt well adjusted in my entire life. Of course I loathe compliments and I suck at getting them and just being gracious. I squirm.

Getting the kidlet after school and just bringing her back. Probably hit New Seasons on the way home and get chicken and some swiss chard. Kidlet and I watched Oprah yesterday with her diet guru doc on it. He freaked us out with the fat (dead) person's omentum. So no saucy sauce for us, kthx. That and the bleached out white fatty liver has me rethinking the Fat Brando phase.

On that tasty note, I am off to get java :P

The Corpse Bride

This first one is my personal favorite:

Everybody Needs A Bosom For A Pillow

So we are post All Hallow's and I know I am not the only one suffering from a massive sugar crash. Kidlet is too.

Catch up time. We had our doctor appointment on Tues earlier than planned. They bumped us up a bit, which was nice. Kiddo got to participate in the school Halloween parties. Such a big changes from her old school where we couldn't acknowledge any holidays let alone dress up for them. A bit crunchy granola PC for me, but the teachers were great and the school really improved her self esteem after the Arctic tundra of the Catholics.

Long and short on her ankle is that she is free to roam like the buffalo sans cast at home, but must continue to wear it when she goes out or is walking around a lot. For at least a month longer. She was a wee bit miffed. Needless to say after 3 hours of trick or treating, the foot was swollen up mightily yesterday. So we played the "keep your leg up" power struggle again. Yeesh, that child is stubborn.

Wonder where she gets that from?!

I am waiting for the MamaSan to send me pics of small child in full Halloween regalia, then I can post it. Apparently, she totally freaked my Grandfather out, and he had nightmares about zombies. Suzanna saw the pictures and told my mom she didn't see even a speck of small child in the freaky corpse bride. I'd say I must have done one hell of a job on the look.

/bows

All in all Halloween was a good one. The Ex (husband variety) and I always do dinner and first round of trick or treating at my parents. Which seems to freak people out for some reason. Like his girlfriends. Not my problem. We get along a hell of a lot better now than when we were married. Call me crazy, that seems like a good thing since we have a child.

Women drama, I swear ;)

Other than that, not much to report. The Ex (boyfriend variety) logged on the Yahoo early this week. Just sat there. Brooding no doubt. The bastard. Of course he is really not a bastard, which is why he's a bastard. Much easier to get over when they are assholes. Unemployed and depressed will ruin a relationship just as well as assholedom, but it makes it harder to get over.

Men drama, I swear =(

Alrighty, I am off to get java and pull mail out materials.

Toodles, one and all.